Friday, March 11, 2011

The Cup that Counts and Life after Retirement !

The promos of the Cricket World Cup claim this is “The Cup That Counts”. I would love to know how much ? Or better still, till how much can this Cup count ? Or can it count at all ? I would like to begin a Counter that will count all counting and counter-counting.
But before that, and after watching whatever Cricket I could during the past 3 weeks, I have come to worry about our Cricketers. No, not only Indians. But generally a lot of them. What will happen to them when they retire ?
Like failed Actors in Bollywood making mediocre Directors, many will go on to become Commentators and bore us to death before, during and after the play. But what about the rest ?
So I have devised some alternative careers for Cricketers. If anyone else has already thought of this noble thought before, I admit it is just a coincidence. But I invite them to join me in this initiative to found an Employment Agency for Retired Cricketers.
Since I am quite serious about this venture, I am not going to disclose all the details. Here are but a few sample of things to come…
Tatenda Taibu: He played just 6 balls yesterday. But the zeal he showed in trying to reverse sweep everything Murali hurled at him was motivating. He kept his slate clean. The first time he played straight, he was out. He should be made in charge of the sweeping and cleaning committee at our airports. Those places will be better with him and Cricket, without.
Kamran Akmal: Pakistan should immediately appoint him the head of their calamity management team. He can remain calm even during a storm. Why ? He wouldn’t even know there indeed was a storm. He will be especially good at ‘Dropping’ food packets for people stranded in flood hit areas. Who better to ‘Drop’ ?
Rizwan Cheema: What do you expect him to make ? Lance Cairns, Ijaz Ahmed and Eddo Brandes; we have seen them all. And now we have seen Cheema. Never been there as graceful and as artistic a butcher of the Cricket ball before !
Piyush Chawla: Though he is terribly young to retire, I am quite inclined to retire him all the same. He can make a life out of playing the ‘side kick’ to the Hero in Bollywood movies. He is chubby and cute, so little girls will love him. He plays the side kick role to perfection to Dhoni the Master. And he can knock a few small time punches thanks to the ‘confidence‘ instilled by his Boss.
Yusuf Pathan: Since he doesn’t analyze the game much, he is unlikely to be a Coach or a Commentator. For quite some time now, he has threatened to send the ball to the orbit. Hence he should join ISRO after he retires. He might actually be able to launch satellites by just whacking them. We can make huge savings on fuel.
Yardy, Strauss, Ponting, Sehwag, Gayle, Price, Dilshan, O’Brien and name whom you want, we have an alternative career after retirement. IPL oops, IPR application pending.
Govind Raj Shenoy for DieHard Cricket Fans

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