The Cup that Counts and Life after Retirement !

The promos of the Cricket World Cup claim this is “The Cup That Counts”. I would love to know how much ? Or better still, till how much can this Cup count ? Or can it count at all ? I would like to begin a Counter that will count all counting and counter-counting.
But before that, and after watching whatever Cricket I could during the past 3 weeks, I have come to worry about our Cricketers. No, not only Indians. But generally a lot of them. What will happen to them when they retire ?

Like failed Actors in Bollywood making mediocre Directors, many will go on to become Commentators and bore us to death before, during and after the play. But what about the rest ?

So I have devised some alternative careers for Cricketers. If anyone else has already thought of this noble thought before, I admit it is just a coincidence. But I invite them to join me in this initiative to found an Employment Agency for Retired Cricketers.

Since I am quite serious about this venture, I am not going to disclose all the details. Here are but a few sample of things to come…

Tatenda Taibu: He played just 6 balls yesterday. But the zeal he showed in trying to reverse sweep everything Murali hurled at him was motivating. He kept his slate clean. The first time he played straight, he was out. He should be made in charge of the sweeping and cleaning committee at our airports. Those places will be better with him and Cricket, without.

Kamran Akmal: Pakistan should immediately appoint him the head of their calamity management team. He can remain calm even during a storm. Why ? He wouldn’t even know there indeed was a storm. He will be especially good at ‘Dropping’ food packets for people stranded in flood hit areas. Who better to ‘Drop’ ?

Rizwan Cheema: What do you expect him to make ? Lance Cairns, Ijaz Ahmed and Eddo Brandes; we have seen them all. And now we have seen Cheema. Never been there as graceful and as artistic a butcher of the Cricket ball before !

Piyush Chawla: Though he is terribly young to retire, I am quite inclined to retire him all the same. He can make a life out of playing the ‘side kick’ to the Hero in Bollywood movies. He is chubby and cute, so little girls will love him. He plays the side kick role to perfection to Dhoni the Master. And he can knock a few small time punches thanks to the ‘confidence‘ instilled by his Boss.

Yusuf Pathan: Since he doesn’t analyze the game much, he is unlikely to be a Coach or a Commentator. For quite some time now, he has threatened to send the ball to the orbit. Hence he should join ISRO after he retires. He might actually be able to launch satellites by just whacking them. We can make huge savings on fuel.

Yardy, Strauss, Ponting, Sehwag, Gayle, Price, Dilshan, O’Brien and name whom you want, we have an alternative career after retirement. IPL oops, IPR application pending.

Govind Raj Shenoy for DieHard Cricket Fans

Making The Dead Rubbers Alive

Near empty stand as Aus play Zim

The format of the world cup has been constantly changing ever since it started. ICC introduced different ideas such as round-robin, league-cum-knockout, super six etc etc. But each one had its drawbacks which resulted in shifting to the other one. The insignificant matches (having no effect on the tournament) and the ‘minnow-powerhouse’ encounters (whose reults are almost always known) being the major culprits slowing down the tourni’s pace in a similar manner in which a romantic song does to a Bollywood movie . Ob there are upset, but it isn’t worth tolerating 15 boring one-sided encounters just for one or two upsets.

Consider the ongoing WC for example. People were more interested in IND-AUS practice match than the IND-NED league match. Also the league phase is a mere formality and the quarter-finalists were known even before the tourni started. Moreover, some of the key matches are worthless now (such as IND-WI and IND-SA) with the only use being getting the right team combination and testing the bench strength. So effectively these matches are serving the purpose what a practice matches did.

These situations occur because ICC has to make a fine balance between appropriate representation of associate members, providing them the necessary exposure and implementing a format considered fair and more interesting than the previous ones. Some of the alternatives can be -

1) Allow only top 8 teams according to the ICC ranking and having a round-robin league i.e. each team playing with the other and top 4 playing the semis (or even top 2 playing the finals, ensuring teams playing well throughout have the max chance of winning) . For the associates (minnows), playing once in 4 years isn’t going to help in any case. If ICC really want them to have some quality exposure, make them play throughout the year in some quad or triangular series (eg. make it compulsory to include a minnow in a series involving more than 2 nations)

2) Another idea can be to have a single team comprising of the best possible combination of all the non-test palying nations (something like Rest-of-the-World team). The team would be far more stronger than any of the minnows and would keep the stronger ones on their feet all the time.

3) Another alternative is to make the 1st round knockout (each match played between a test playing nation and a minnow) and then proceed as league system with the remaining teams. This will on one hand make the ‘minnow-powerhouse’ matches important (as its knockout) while on the other hand, only good teams will be there when the tourni enters into the critical phase.

4) A minor variation of the all-round-robin system can be to eliminate the semifinal and final altogether and the team at the top of the league after all the league matches considered the winner. This system ensures that team emerges as the champ which played well for the max part of the tournament.

5) Point system can also be altered to make the WC more interesting. One way to do it is award only 1 point to beat a minnow where as 2 for beating a strong team. This would give advantage to the teams performing well against stronger teams and will make beating some bigger teams compulsory to enter the knockouts. The concept of bonus points can also be introduced to distinguish the magnitude of results as well as keeping interest in the matches till the end.

The bottom-line is: Its been almost 15 days since the inaugurations and I am still for waiting for the WC to start. The ‘WC-fever’ thing is missing till now. Hope ICC comes up with something more interesting and logical next time round.

Amit Ranjan for DieHard Cricket Fans

A nation up in smoke…

Howzaaat!!!
So after Sunday’s game, quite a few (so called) supporters are accusing the Proteas of smoking. At first I thought the accusation had merit, especially since they lost their game against England from a comfortable and commanding position. However, I then realized they are professionals and heroes in the eyes of children around the country; hence the idea of smoking in public seemed ludicrous.

A wounded England was always going to be a challenge; especially after an embarrassing loss against Ireland…a country they normally treat as the bastard child. With the Proteas falling short by 6 runs, a whole nation is now up in arms and anti-smoking campaigns are popping up everywhere.

Even though the Proteas were heavy smokers before, they never chain smoked though…that is left to the All Blacks. Yes, the big occasion got the better of them, especially at World Cups, but this new and vibrant Proteas squad are quite frankly too young to smoke.

With this in mind…England were simply on fire (and no…this is not a case of where there’s smoke there’s fire). After being “spun out of control”, they fought back magnificently and thoroughly deserved their win. Yes…Smith made some surprising bowling changes; the most notable of these was when he removed Petersen from the attack…in spite of the guy being in the spell of his life.

Then there was the batting…Amla was doing his thing, while Smith against Swann looked as odd as a hillbilly on the cover of Wisden. Kallis has yet to find his form, but I know it’s somewhere under his pile of newly bought hair brushes. de Villers tried in vain, while JP was just a victim of a jaffer of a ball. du Plessis and van Wyk were just out of their depth – none of these are signs of smoking – just players up against better players.

In the end…back here in South Africa, quite a few people have started to smoke on behalf of the Proteas. Maybe it’s a case of not being strong enough to fight off the craving, peer pressure or just plain old abuse…all I know is…the Proteas still have a long way to go and if they don’t go all the way, then it’s not because of smoking, but rather not being good enough on the day!

(In case you missed it…I just can’t bring myself to use the “c” word…*cough*)

Sharief ‘Sheriff’ Allie for DieHard Cricket Fans

The Helicopter….Out Of Fuel?

Looks like MSD who used to entertain everyone with his great hits has disappeared with his long hair. Remember that 183 ? That was the time when he was said to be the most dangerous batsman. Those wild swings of the bat! , those hard hits!, Hitting toe-crushers out of the park! Now he fails to hit full tosses the same way. Occasionally gets inspired by the PEPSI ad and shows his brilliance.

Many (almost everyone) and even you all will say that he has developed into a matured cricketer, a responsible captain. But why can’t he hit the ball the way he used to even in the batting PP ? Plays 2nd fiddle there too!

He used to drink 8 litre of milk everyday….looks like he drinks PEPSI now and has really changed completely… Mr. Dhoni you can’t just say : “the middle order not performed” , “batsman disappointed “, “poor performance in the batting department”….. and the one i hate the most : “batting is our strength”. Batting is India’s strength but you gotta contribute too, certainly as a captain. Take examples of Kapil dev, Imran khan. They were responsible for the wins many times. I can’t remember when MSD got the MOM last time!

He says there are many big hitters in our team. Man you are the biggest! ..Don’t you remember ?

Ya ya.. showed some form against NZ but show it when it’s needed. We know you can perform .. just do it. He used to be so aggressive , flamboyant …. now those words don’t go in with dhoni….. he is referred to as cool now .. cool as PEPSI … not hot like milk. I am constantly highlighting PEPSI because of his growing ads. No problem with that until he continues to perform. How many of you think he can still repeat his 183? I do. MSD is a good cricketer, just lacking intent at the moment. He needs to back himself up. Go out there and lead from the front.

I am criticizing DHONI … so that he performs the way he used too! I mean no offense…….. JUST THAT I MISS that MSD … don’t you ?

A.V.S. ADITYA for DieHard Cricket Fans

A Cup for Mr. Tendulkar : But how do we do it ?

I had written why India will struggle to win the ongoing World Cup. I know it was a little too dark and gloomy. I too want India to Win a World Cup for Mr. Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. But how do we manage do it ? Just look at the Ireland match. Zaheer sizzled up front. But the bowling fizzled thanks to ineffective Munaf and defensive Bhajji. For the umpteenth time, it is the part-timer and sixth bowler who bailed India out. Yusuf Pathan was far better than the main off-spinner. One bad day in the office got Sreesanth dumped. I am inclined to ask in Gabbar Singh style, “Ab tera kya hoga Chawla ?”

If Dhoni is serious about winning, Chawla will have just one job from here. Carry the drinks and nothing more. He should not even bowl at the nets, lest it make our batsmen over confident going against Afridi and Tahir !

But we all want India to win and win it badly… Right ? So what are we going to do ?

Get Chawla declared unfit. Send him home. Ask for replacement with Rohit Sharma. Play with Bhajji, Zaheer and 9 batsmen.

Score 400 runs in every match, nothing less and any thing more !

So this should be the team:

1] Sehwag: continue Sehwagging, come what may. Bowl in case of a calamity !
2] Sachin: can score 3 more centuries to make a grand 50 !
3] Gambhir: can keep his elbow ready for Watson !
4] Kohli: in form, especially while chasing. He will open the bowling.
5] Yuvraj: some kind of form going, keep going now. And can he chuck the pie ?
6] Raina: will relish the low bounce and slog overs and will bowl at death
7] Dhoni: can bat lower to absorb the shock in case of a collapse
8] Rohit: will bowl and bat as a specialist partnership breaker.
9] Bhajji: he will bat and bowl as a specialist slogger
10] Pathan: A floater, will bat low, because he can win from any position !
11] Zaheer: will carry no pressure, no competition to his place !

Pathan, Rohit, Yuvi, Raina, Virat and Sachin can share the 30 overs.
We have Zaheer and Virat to share the new ball.
Pathan, Raina and Rohit to bowl different shades of Off-spin.
Yuvi will do the Left arm pie chucking.
Tendulkar is the Leg Spinner [better than Chawla], Off spinner and third medium pacer.

If anyone has a bad day, Viru will chip in, in spite of his shoulder.
[Remember Bedi believes Viru is the best off spinner in India]

With this batting, we are more likely to post totals of 400 plus every time we bat.
And the bowling can’t do any worse than what is already happening.

See, how we have a perfect formula to win the World Cup for Mr. Tendulkar !

Govind Raj Shenoy for DieHard Cricket Fans

Don’t forget the Kangaroos in this World Cup!!

With just 9 days to go for the much awaited cricket event – The World Cup,  and the super interesting thing being that it is being hosted in the cricket lovers nations, everyone is looking forward to this mega event and the biggest question on everyone’s mind is who will be the next ??? A big question certainly.

No one knows the answer and neither do I. This time everyone is talking about India & Sri Lanka and a bit of South Africa too but hey where has Australia gone.

Recent loss of Ashes & some other series losses have put them down on the favorites list but they are not out. Winning the Commonwealth Bank Series 6-1 is a big answer to all those who think that they can’t win this time. I still remember the 2007 WC time.  Aussies were not as strong at the time as compared to 2003. They lost the Chappell-Hadlee Series to New Zealand just before the World cup 2007 & everyone was saying that they were a “Dad’s Army”, ”A bunch of old cricketers” but this bunch of old cricketers took the game away from all the teams & yes they won it for the 3rd consecutive time!

So my friends, they are here to prove that they can win this time too. Shaun Tait, Brett Lee & Mitchell Johnson have that stamina to bowl great spells and having men who can bowl close to 150 kmph is always an asset. They have a great all rounder in Shane Watson and some good valuable batsmen. Ricky Ponting, the skipper can’t be forgotten. The World Cup trophy is always being attracted towards him!

So they are as much in the competition as every other good team. Waiting anxiously for the start of the World Cup. May the best team win!!

Sheffali Chugh for DieHard Cricket Fans