Indian Plumpier League: The Bigger IPL !

Disclaimer: This post is a figment of imagination of the writer. This is purely a fun article and doesn’t intend to be derogatory about any of the honorable people mentioned. No way does this betray any maliciousness on part of the writer who himself is on the verge of being certified overweight.

No offense is meant about the well endowed men and women. I am ‘Broad‘-minded. When I say that, it should not be confused with the Narrow minded ICC Match Referee with an England Captain for a son.

From being Agarkar-like, time has managed to render me in the ‘just under the overweight league’ with a BMI closing in on 25. I was never known for athleticism and that perhaps is why I preferred to play and follow Cricket. Not that I was any good at that. But Cricket still remains the only field game that still offers ‘Fat‘ chances to the physically over-endowed to hold their own against the likes of Jonty Rhodes and Keiron Pollard.

There was ‘Ample‘ evidence that Samit Patel was dropped from England probables list due to the eschewed fitness standards set by the ECB. The now past India Coach had expressed concerns over ‘Overweight‘ Indian Cricketers. That was unfortunate. Just imagine if  weight or size did matter in the past, Sri Lanka would not have won their lone World Cup and England would not have won Ashes in 1987.

Here is an ode to those big ‘BIG‘ men who regaled us with their skills. Here we launch the “Indian Plumpier League” [IPL]. Let us take a look at those weighty teams and their leaders of ‘substance’. For those keen to play in the League, pound in all the pounds you can; more the merrier. The auction will strictly be held on the basis of Pounds. And all payments, hefty or otherwise will be made in Pounds too. A Pound for a Pound !

1] Chubby Supper Kings: With their love for heavy meals at night, the Chubby Kings lead from the front. So they have the Chubbiest Captain !

Leverlock, Stock and Barrel !

2] Belly Bare Devils: The Team from the Capital languishing at the bottom this season. Who can pick the spirits of this team ? Who else but the one with a belly that can scare the Devil ?

Belly that can Scare Devil !

3] Gol-Guppa Weight Ryders: Having either puny or fit skippers has been SRK’s idea of a Captain. That is why the team has never been ‘Stout‘ on field. But when you have a ‘Big Jesse’ for Captain, nobody meddles with them.

Just see Weight Ryder !

4] Binge’s 11 Fun-jab: For binge eating, binge drinking, fun and jabs, you need not look around. He is a ‘Legend’ in all. The Prince did ‘Eat’ them all up during the World Cup !

Eat all You-We can !

5] Chicken Gorgers: They can munch and gorge on anything and everything including bowling attacks and ‘Aloo Bondas’ of Hyderabad. A worthy skipper has to be a man of stature.

The BIGGEST Talent from Pakistan

6] Royal Chill-hangers Ampleore: They will just chill out on Royal Challenge and avenge all the defeats so far. The Mr. Cool of Lankan Cricket will ‘walk’ away with the Captaincy. Well, he always walked his runs.

'Run'atunga who always walked runs !

7] Boonie Warriors India: One of the all time great overweight Cricketers excelled in fielding with all his girth. He will be a Boon to any lowly placed team.

A Boon for the underdogs !

8] Cocky Tuskers Carousel: For the Cocky Mallu who walks without a care like a tusker, they finally have a merry-go-Round of tuskers. The Cockiest of them all will lead the team. Gatting, Batting, Fatting and Swatting [of Pakistani Umpires] all allowed.

Gatting Batting Fatting !

9] Bum-boy Indians: For those who love everything in big chunks. The most Powarful man in Indian Cricket will lead from the front. His style and substance will make him a ‘Roll-model’ !

Powar Power !

10] Rotundistan Royals: A Patel from England alone qualifies to lead the bunch of Rotundistan Royals. To Sum it all, will get justice at last. This completes the ensemble of ten teams.

Sum of it all Patel !

This Obese version of IPL will begin as soon as we manage to find enough players plumper than the plump to complete 10 teams. Anyone interested to join the weight-wagon, don’t wait, just shoot your applications. Weight is the only criteria !

Some patented attractions:

Cheer girls will be replaced with more ample and attractive ‘Beer Babes’. Buxom is the word !

Buxom Beer Babes !

Concessions on ticket prices to those weighing above 100kg. They will be accommodated in the exclusive ‘Century Club’.

Beer, beef and all kind of food served at subsidized rates before, during and even after the match.

Log on to our website for more details:
www.indianplumpierleague.com

Govind Raj Shenoy for DieHard Cricket Fans

On The Martin Crowe Comeback (Seriously)

Cricket is like a Saharan trek without a water bottle these days. Its hard to find a thirst quencher, given that most of the cricketing news is drowned by the hot air of the IPL. It seems that television viewers and internet junkies alike are nearing the end of their patience for it, even I forgot to check out Cricinfo for half a day (horrors!). But, then something caught my eye, this headline:

“Crowe Announces Comeback at 48″.

Come again? Russell Crowe making a comeback to Neighbors is more believable. Admittedly he is starting at club cricket level, with aspirations to make it to first class cricket. Seems he is 392 runs short of 20,000 first class runs. Well if he somehow manages to knock off those runs against guys half his age, then good on him, miracles do happen. But even all this is not what inspired me to write this article, here is the real kicker. Says Mr Crowe:

“Hey! If Ganguly can do it, anyone can do it!”

The cricketing equivalent to The Fonz. © Cricinfo.com

Ah, the Crowe vs Ganguly debate once again. For those of you who aren’t clued in, Ganguly led the team to a horrible defeat at the hands of New Zealand (well, mainly dodgy pitches) in 2002/2003. They lost the seven match ODI series 5-2, and the test series 2-0. During that time, the merry band of NZ commentators, led by Crowe, were ripping into Ganguly, singling him out as brash, arrogant and a liability for the team.

Maybe he was cocky, fair game, but Crowe fails to realize that Ganguly’s worst patch as a batsman was those years as captain. But despite that it was his alliance with John Wright that really turned Indian cricket around. It was Ganguly who backed the Harbhajan’s and the Yuvraj’s and got them through their golden 2003 world cup run, among famous overseas test victories.

Ganguly as a batsman achieved far more than almost all New Zealand batsman. His ODI stats in particular show off a whopping 22 centuries.

Batting and fielding averages (Ganguly) in Tests and ODIs

Mat	Inns	Runs	HS	Ave	SR	100	50
113	188	7212	239	42.17	51.25	16	35
311	300	11363	183	41.02	73.70	22	72

Crowe, who is widely regarded as one of NZ’s best in history, has this record:

Batting and fielding averages (Crowe) in Tests and ODIs

Mat	Inns	Runs	HS	Ave	SR	100	50
77	131	5444	299	45.36	44.65	17	18
143	140	4704	107*	38.55	72.63	4	34

Roughly equal, Crowe a better test batsman, Ganguly a better ODI one. Belittling Ganguly is completely uncalled for, it was then and it still is now. I can even recall several occasions of him smashing the New Zealand bowlers around like it was a joke.

Then again Crowe goes on to call Geoff Howarth’s coaching ‘a joke’ and he apparently had issues with Lee Germon and John Wright over the years. In the New Zealand scale he can talk with a bit of authority. On the world scale he hardly measures up. A decent cricketer with a bucket load of excuses, the only legitimate one being a bad knee.

A comeback at 48. Who’s arrogant now.

Contributed By: Varun Prasad
Original Post: The Cricket Musings

What do I do when low on Cricket Adrenaline ?

Team India are the reigning World Champions in ODI Cricket.

We also have the World No. 1 Test Team since over a year.

IPL attracts more eyeballs than most of the International series.

Rahul Sharma and Sreenath Aravind have bowled with promise.

Ambati Rayudu and Paul Valthaty have enlivened the proceedings.

Shane Warne believes Rohit Sharma is a Master in the making.

Tendulkar is still hungry for runs and Dravid isn’t finished either.

Virat Kohli is batting well and shows guts as Captain of men.

Sehwagging reached epitome before he was shouldered out.

Gambhir is taking both Captaincy and his name too seriously.

Ashish Nehra continues to recover from one injury after another.

Yuvi continues to prove he is a different player in Indian Colors.

Munaf bowled well till he lost his head and match to Amit Mishra.

Sreesanth excels as Sreesanth and bowls 5 good balls in an over.

Bhajji hasn’t slapped Sree and called Symonds a Gentleman… Man !

So much happening and Mumbai Indians choking before the Finals !

So much of action, fun and excitement has not really excited me. Why ?

Why am I dormant compared to my normal over-talkative standards ?

Very often this happens to me during those never-ending ODI series.

Every single IPL season, I have felt it as it comes to the business end.

Tendulkar may be God to millions and many who don’t believe in God.

Sehwag may be the most destructive batsman in all forms of Cricket.

Gayle may have redefined the IPL Batsmanship taking it to a new height.

I realized something today. I am going through a trough in Crickinterest.

I realized today that I am missing something, rather missing someone !

Fortunately I know what to do when I feel so low on Cricket Adrenaline…

I just watch THIS !

PS: I can sit through an entire day and then through the night watching VVS bat with the tail in tow than suffer some of that ‘Cricket’ played by the likes of Sunny Sohal and Manish Pandey; the Masters of Inelegance !

Govind Raj Shenoy for DieHard Cricket Fans

Point to Fine Leg : Modern Woman’s Guide to Cricket

Have you ever wondered what the heck cricket is all about?

Perhaps your man is a cricketer. He is dying to take you to a game to impress you but you fear looking clueless in front of his mates.

Maybe it’s not about a bloke at all.

You have been sucked in to the hype of the Ashes and the World Cup or seduced by the razzmatazz of Twenty20 and want to know about the game that is loved by hundreds of millions of men and women around the world.

Maybe your case is the other way around. You wish your girl-friends or girlfriend understood the game and enjoyed the matches along with you rather than annoying you by not letting you watch it?

The book “Point to Fine Leg” authored by Stacey Harris is an attempt to provide a solution to help you out in such scenarios.

Story behind the book:

This is what Stacey has to say on as to how she developed love for the game and what propelled her to write this wonderful book.

“For me it all started in 2005 when I stumbled upon the greatest cricket match of all time. I was a football fan. My Dad thought I might be interested in the tense conclusion of the Edgbaston Ashes match. It changed my life as I was gripped by the epic battle of supreme athletes unfold in front of me.

From the moment England scraped over the line cricket became exciting, sexy and addictive.

I wish when I started my journey into cricket that I had this eBook. It would have made learning about cricket so much easier than reading stuffy Rule of Cricket books. So I wrote it.

It’s the perfect eBook for all the women around the world who want to give cricket a chance but have no idea where to start.”

Written in an accessible, fun style from the perspective of women you will learn all the important stuff about the game; like how to know what’s going on and what to wear to the match!

The eBook is designed to look and feel like a glossy magazine and includes articles like:

• The 10 Commandments of Cricket Watching
• 10 Reasons Your Man is Having a Hissy Fit
• When Do We Clap?
• 12 Glamorous (and No-Nonsense) Things to Take to a Match
• Why Cricketers are Like Movie Stars
• How to Score With a Cricketer
• Better than Average: How to Measure a Cricketer’s Performance
• 5 Fantastic Cricket Grounds (and Their Beaches) to Visit
• 11 Reasons to Watch Cricket On TV
• Names and Facts to Make You Look Like a Cricket Badass

And of course, like all magazines there is the compulsory quiz to find out just what kind of cricket fan you have become.

When you buy this eBook you will know everything you need to blag your way at any cricket match, from a Twenty20 match on TV through your boyfriend’s village match all the way up to a Test match at the ground on a blazing hot summer day.

To buy the book visit this site, click on Stacey Harris’ pic in the ‘Freelance Coaching Panel’ and click “BUY” n follow instructions.

Stacey’s Blog
Stacey on Twiter

What will get you the Team India Cap?

Less than a month is left for India’s tour of the Caribbean. It’s going to be a lot of Cricket for the Indian team in months to come. Right after the IPL Indian team flies to West Indies for 1 T-20 I, 5 ODIs and 3 Test matches and from there the flight takes off to England for 4 Tests, 2 T-20Is and 5 ODIs. This is surely going to get hectic for the Men in Blue. But BCCI should be given credit for their correct and systematic planning for the tours. Where India after long IPL start WI tour with T-20 match followed by 5 ODI’s and then 3 Test matches and then England tour starts with Test Matches and then followed by T-20s and ODIs. So there is complete planning which would benefit Team India on their tours. The selection committee led by Kris Srikkanth is scheduled to meet on Friday along with captain MS and coach Fletcher to decide on the team that will play T-20 and ODIs in WI.

There are stories going around that many Indian players have asked for rest after a long World Cup and a longer IPL. Players like MS Dhoni, Zaheer Khan, Sachin Tendulkar and Virendar Sehwag are surely not getting into that plane to WI for initial part of the tour. Whereas Gautam Gambhir is looked upon to lead the side having World Cup winning members like Yuvraj Singh, Virat Kohli, Suresh Raina, Yusuf Pathan, Munaf Patel and Harbhajan Singh. So this actually gives chance to many young players to make a mark at International level. This would be the ideal chance for youngsters to get into the Team as it’s going to be difficult to break into the full strength Indian team after the WC win.

So this starts the biggest ever debate of whom should be selected and who should be dropped. Everyone as always have their own view on this. A lot of debate is happening and has happened on this topic. So let me fuel this debate a little further by giving my side of the debate. Rather than on who should be selected I would like to discuss what should be the criteria for selection in Team India.

Should only IPL be the criteria for the selection or only Ranji cricket should be the criteria.

I am of an opinion that the neither should be the sole criteria for Team India cap. IPL is part of Indian domestic circuit just like other tournaments like Ranji Super League, Ranji Trophy Plate, Deodhar Trophy, Duleep Trophy, Challenger Trophy, Irani Cup, Syed Musthaq Ali Trophy, BCCI Corporate Trophy and Vijay Hazare Trophy. The performance over the entire season should be made the bench mark for Team India cap rather than just the performance in one tournament. Our domestic tournament has good mix of four day matches, One Day matches and T-20 Matches, so it gives an ample opportunity for a player to prove his worth and helps him to prove his case for the prestigious Team India Cap. If IPL is considered a yardstick for Team India Cap  then consistency over the entire IPL should be considered rather than one, two or four good performances in IPL.

Someone like Rahul Sharma has been performing very well for his IPL side PWI but if you see his performance over the entire season it isn’t much inspiring. Players like Subramanium Badrinath, Manoj Tiwary and Ambati Rayadu who have performed well in the entire season and have performed well in all the domestic tournaments for their respective teams should be considered the front runners.

A player should be consistent over a period of time rather than just for one tournament. Even International Cricket works on consistency rather than one tournament success For E.g.: A team winning one tournament does not make them the number one team in international cricket, to be number one, a team needs to consistently play well like Team India won the World Cup 2011 does not make them the number one team because may be some other team has been more consistent than them and similarly like Team India is number one in tests it’s not  that they have been ranked number one after one series they have consistently won matches around the globe to deserve that place of number one team in tests. Even the individual rankings work the same way. Playing well in one tournament gives you points but overall performance along the year is of much more importance. I somehow feel BCCI should start with local rankings, ranking players according to their performance over the period that will help to have a better view of the performance of local talent. I haven’t used much statistics to put forth my point because it would have made it long, and longer the post it’s considered to be boring.

IPL has also proved one thing or rather has proved many people wrong. People feel , shorter the version of the game more exciting it is, but the number of one sided matches in IPL proves even the shortest version of the game can be boring. I have observed 2 reasons for the one sided matches in IPL, may be I will use my next post to give my views on why we are having so many one sided matches in IPL 2011.

Ricky Singh for DieHard Cricket Fans

Pieces of Meat, a TIPLIST and LIPLOCKS : The IPL Rocks as always

IPL qualifiers reaching towards climax. Mumbai, Kolkata, Chennai and Bengaluru look like the teams to go further. But Cricket isn’t the only thing about IPL and IPL isn’t all about Cricket. We know it is GLICKET ! So here is a random look at who, what, when and how !

Pieces of meat, a Tiplist

Gabriella Pasqualotto was another unknown cheer girl till she spilled the beans about the virility of the naughty Cricketers. In a world of Glamor and Cricket that is GLICKET, I am least surprised. If at all, it shows the Indians like Dhoni and Rohit Sharma in poor light. Because she said, “They prefer to spend time by themselves in the dark corners”.

Beauty and the Tiplist

The Season of GLICKET Liplocks

They are together, they are not. She was with someone else and he was caught red-handed with another girl. What all rumors ! Sid Mallya and Deepika Padukone answered all rumors with the only way they could and people still complain.

LIPLOCK-1 of the Season !

LIPLOCK-2 of the Season !

Shane Warne: “They Hurled stones at me. I converted them into Hurley and then she locked lips”

The Latest on Fixing

* This paragraph of the story is fixed by, oops sponsored by Fevicol *

Coming again to Warne. After Match-fixing and Spot-fixing, Warne alleged the CSK Boss did ‘Pitch Fixing’ favoring his team at Jaipur. Later he twitracted his statement. Earlier he was unhappy with Tendulkar’s comments on Jaipoor pitch ! Shane’s swan song is turning out to be a blare and that is unfortunate.

Royal Challenge Re-Gayled

RCB Challenge in this IPL was going nowhere till Mallya hit the jackpot thanks to West Indies Cricket Board. As West Indies Cricket Ails, Royal Challenge Re-Gayles ! Some people have even suggested a possibility of the King of Good times bribing the Caribbean establishment to drop Gayle.

Drop till you Flop

You drop Sehwag once and you pay for it. You drop him twice and you will be thrice Sehwagged ! The Chargers ran out of charge as Viru went on the rampage !

Shane Warne tweeted:

warne888 Shane Warne

me dropping gayle cost us big time-then dropping kholi as well = horror for us. Thanks for the last 4 yrs of support guys,will miss u all !!

It still wasn’t as costly as it is turning out to be for the WICB after they dropped Gayle !
I believe I must stop here. Else I might end up like Shikar Dhawan, the man who always takes his own time to settle down before getting out soon after !

Govind Raj Shenoy for DieHard Cricket Fans